Today is the Day.

Mom's having her surgery today. It's crazy. I'm a nervous wreck and I'm so freakin' tired, I could pass out in the chair I'm sitting in. Ugh. I need to sleep.

Wish us luck.

Oh. My. Gods.

So, I went to the gym for the first time today. I honestly think that every muscle in my body is going to explode. Wow. I did the elliptical thingy for ten minutes before I had to stop because my thighs were on FIRE.

It was okay, though, because I did all the leg machines with little to no problem. I especially enjoyed the Leg Press one... It was fun and easy!

The arm ones weren't too bad, either.

But... Then... Deb - my neighbor/workout partner - wanted me to try the ABS machine. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I did six. Six. I could not physically make myself do anymore than six. My belly was all like, "FUCK YOU!" It was embarrassing, but okay. I was laughing so hard at myself that Deb was laughing and some of the other people in the gym were laughing. Laughter burns calories - I counted it as the rest of my ABS workout.

Oh well, that's what I get for trying something I KNEW I was going to fail at. That's my goal. To be able to do three sets of ten on the ABS machine. Maybe I'll make it by my birthday. :)

SO! Another fun story... Since mom is having her surgery on April the 20th, she had a doctor's appointment last Thursday. In her appointment, she was told that her blood sugar was SKY-freaking-HIGH! It was seriously in danger range. Stokes - her PCP - put her on two new medicines and supplements to go with them. Also, he put her on a three week no sugar/no carb diet. Because I know she was really bummed about it, I told her I'd do it with her - I mean, what harm could it do?

Let me just tell you, it's AWFUL! Awful, awful, awful. I am CRAVING pasta smothered in dark chocolate. I know that it sounds disgusting, and mind you I probably wouldn't eat it, but I want it sooooo bad I almost can not stand it.

Oh well, at least it's working. I've already lost 8.7 pounds. :) Yay! This is just since we started on Monday the 30th. So, 8.7lbs in just about seven days isn't bad at all, is it? :) No, I don't think so, either.(I also cheated and had two pieced of dark chocolate one day at work because I wanted it so badly that I could almost taste it. So, I ate it.)

I adore Dark Chocolate.

Oh my gods! I cut off my HAIR!!!!

So, most of you know that I have a slight addiction to my hair. I hate cutting it and I hate it short.. But, last tuesday, I decided that I'd had the haircut I had for way, way too long. So, I cut it off. Well, I had it cut off. Four almost five inches. This is what it looks like... :)

And, I joined a gym today! :)

Of personalities and ice cream...

While I was sitting at work this morning, trying to ignore the huge pile of crap that permanently haunts my desk, one of our nurses came in almost in tears. Naturally being the caring and sweet (read curious and nosey) person that I am, I offered her a chair and some York Peppermint Patties - because I keep a secret stash tapped up under my desk and I know she loves them. She took the chair and a handful of Y.P.Ps. Very nice.

After taking a few minutes to calm down and eat the Y.P.Ps, she had regained enough composure to tell us what happened - because my office is 'Gossip Central.' So, here's the scoop: She woke up five minutes late today, which meant that she woke her two girls up five minutes late, she got their breakfasts five minutes late and was generally just running five minutes late. In her rush to get everything done on time, she set her husband's alarm for 7.45 instead of 7.35. An honest mistake, we can all agree. Her husband, who is a construction worker for a local company and a huge jackass, decided that he was going to go to work today. I say "decided" because he usually doesn't go. So, at 7.20 she left for work miraculously on time, leaving her to girls in the care of their grandfather, until her husband got up and was able to get their teeth brushed and shoes on.

She got on the highway and started her 45-60 minute trek here, depending on traffic. She got about 25 minutes from home when she got a call from her husband, yelling into the phone that she had set his alarm ten minutes late and he was going to be late for work and didn't have time to get Victoria - the oldest - onto the bus and Elizabeth - the youngest - to school without being late. He called her every single curse word imaginable so she hung up on him. When he called back, he told her to, "Get her fat, lazy ass home and take HER daughter to school because she FUCKING missed the bus."

This part confused me so I paused her and asked what he meant by "her" daughter. Apparently, she was married before, and in that relationship, she had Victoria. But, then her husband went away to war and when he came back, he became violent and he drank all the time. She divorced him and a few years later married Ricky - her current husband. Together, she and Ricky had Elizabeth. Now that I was unconfused, she started her story again.

After calmly explaining to her husband that she was - by now - more than half way to work, she couldn't turn around to take Victoria to school. It would make her more than a half-hour late to work and she would get an 'occurrence*.' He told her that if she didn't take Victoria to school, she'd be staying home by herself all day long. Naturally, she said she'd be home to get her and turned around, deciding that arguing with him would be a lost cause. He left for work early, once again leaving the girls in the care of their grandfather.

Now, you may be wondering why the grandfather just couldn't take them... I wondered this, too. Apparently, Erica - our nurse - was having car problems and her car was in the shop so she borrowed her father's car. Now, you're wondering why the girls just couldn't stay home with him... That's because at 10.00, his ride would be coming to pick him up so he could go to work, too. With everything once again cleared up, she re-started her story.

On her way back to her house, she called work to tell them a very short version of what had happened and to tell them that she'd be late. Once arriving home, she picked up her children and dropped them off at their respective schools and then came to work. She was supposed to be here at 8.00 and didn't get her until 9.30. She was a wreck all day and I felt bad for her...

This is why I don't have a relationship. Too much drama. All relationships just have too much drama in them to be healthy. I don't care if it's a girl/boy relationship, girl/girl relationship or boy/boy relationship, they're all freakin' crazy.

One of my really close friends is in an on-again, off-again relationship with a guy who is her complete opposite. They fight all the time, they have different tastes in movies, politics and foods. Yet, they keep getting back together because they're In Love with each other. I just don't understand it. How can you be with someone who is that different from you?

One of my other really close friends is in a "closed relationship" for the first time. He's very happy with his boyfriend, but isn't happy with they way things between them get handled. For example, B doesn't like fish or any other kind of seafood and his boyfriend, J tries to make him eat it. One time, when I was at dinner with the two of them, J pretty much shoved a fork full of almost raw fish into B's mouth, repeating, "Just try it, you'll like it," over and over again. (This pissed me off to no end.) Unable to believe that B didn't like the food, he tried again. This time, B spoke up and was pretty much like, "If you try that again, I'm leaving your ass here." J had ridden with us. After a few minutes of silence between the two of them, J realized that B was serious and apologized for his behavior. Yet, he was a complete dick for the rest of the evening. Later, during B's interrogation of me for my thoughts on J, we discussed J and his whole attitude for the entire evening. Forty-five minutes into my drilling, B was convinced that he was going to break up with J because he was seeing things better - without the heart-shapped, rose-tinted glasses. I felt horrible, because I know that B likes J very much. So, after another hour of talking - it was 4.30 in the morning, it was decided that he'd stick it out and see how things go... It was, after all, a very new relationship(less than a month). Three weeks later, they're still together and still having legendary fights, which I get to hear the juicy details of. Why are they still together, you ask? Because, they're In Love.

Now, we come to my friends Drew and Whyatt. Both boys and both so completely in love with the other that nothing is cause for a fight big enough to even raise voices. This, I don't understand in the slightest. Drew is my height, 5'8'', very feminine, very slender, super slight and very, very flaming. Whyatt is 6'3'', very masculine, buff, ripped, sexy as hell and possibly the most manly gay man I have ever met. You wouldn't know to look at them that they're together, but when they're together, it's precious. Whyatt would do anything, and I mean anything, for Drew. And, although Drew is a little high-strung and temperamental, he would do anything Whyatt asked. They fit together better than most puzzle pieces. Drew can calm Whyatt down, even when Whyatt has "passed the point of no return," and Whyatt keeps Drew at a pretty much constant mellow. They're perfect for each other. I just don't get it! The only answer that even remotely fits the question, is that they're In Love.

Talking with Carole, after Erica left, she told me about her life with her first husband, second husband and now Chuck, who she's been living with for more than 30 years...

I've decided that I'm never, ever, never, getting married. You know why? That perfect person for me doesn't exist. Why? Because, I like to be by myself too much to have a "serious" relationship. I don't want to have to ask someone else's permission to do this or that. I want to do too much to settle down. I'm too independent for someone to depend on me. Maybe this is just a now thing, maybe it'll change with I meet the "right person."

Maybe, when pigs fly.

Even the, some how, I don't think so.

This all brings me to my concept of personalities and Ice Cream. A concept that has been thoroughly discussed with Steph and we both agree that it makes perfect sense. The concept is as follows:

You can not be in a relationship

with someone whose

Ice Cream Flavor

is not - at the very least-

similar to yours.

For example, my ICF (read personality) is:

Dark chocolate ice cream with a raspberry swirl,

topped with whipped cream, cherries, almonds,

rainbow sprinkles and a strawberry.

Therefore, I can not have any kind of relationship with someone whose flavor isn't similar. Stephanie has a similar issue... Her flavor is as intricate as mine. We don't find people who mirror us very often.

FOR EXAMPLE: Non-fat, single-churned, sugar-free vanilla is NOT an acceptable pairing (read Scott).

The ICF doesn't have anything to do with what kind of ice cream you like, but it has everything to do with the type of person that you are. My ice cream is so obscure because my personality is eclectic and elaborate. I rarely do the same thing twice, I try to not regret anything, I try not to judge - although, it sometimes happens, I'm very open minded and I'll try just about anything twice. I'm pessimistic, I laugh loudly, I try to be optimistic, I would do anything for my friends, once I'm your friend, I never stop being your friend - we just might not be as close as we once were, but I don't abandon people. I'm materialistic for somethings, but not for others. I love presents, to give them almost more than to receive them. I try not to repeat myself, unless the repeat is necessary or exceedingly fun. And, I'm deathly afraid of being trapped in an elevator while it plummets to the bottom of the shaft.

(I bet there are some things there that you didn't know about me - especially the elevator thing. This is recent, as in yesterday. I was riding the elevator up to my office and the doors got stuck. They wouldn't open. I was stuck in the elevator for twenty minutes. Then, as I was trying to leave, the elevator wouldn't move and then it went super fast and I got stuck again. The doors wouldn't open and we were stuck between floors. I was stuck there for a good five minutes.. Seriously, it was just awful and I am now traumatised.)

The moral of the story? Love is crazy, psycho, nuts and completely irrational. Ice Cream is life. And, elevators are traumatising.

Teeheeheeheehee...

My mother just sent me this photo and I think it's hysterical. I can't help it, I had to share it. It makes me laugh so hard.

Surgery? Force-feeding veggies? Changes?

Today, I'm sitting in the Pulmonary Clinic at UVa, waiting for my mother who is having the Gastric Bypass Surgery sometime in the next few weeks. She hopes they can schedule it for April the 6th.

EDIT: Her surgery is scheduled for April the 20th. That also happens to be my grandmother's and my cat's birthdays.


I am not so thrilled about this. It scares me. Seriously... It's just not natural or safe how much weight you lose in how fast a time. Not to mention, the complications that can occur during the surgery and can happen after the surgery. Not to mention the sagging skin that is left after all the weight is lost. It just gives me the creeps. Not the skin, necessarily, but the surgery in general.


For those of you who don't know what the surgery consists of, let me give you a quick run-down.


The doctors go in with their scopes and make four to six small incisions. Through those tiny holes, they actually staple off the majority of the stomach. Then, they completely bypass the small intestine and route the large intestine directly into the stomach.


When they're finished, the stomach will only be about the size of a fist and it can only hold about one cup of food. Which make you lose weight super fast because calories aren't being absorbed. Makes sense, but it's scary as hell.

My mother is super excited about the whole deal. I mean, she's nervous, but excited. Which is good, right? No body wants to go through with something that they're terrified of.


But, my father and I aren't so excited. It's going to change everything. Food at my house will be different, for the first few weeks, mom won't be cooking so I'll get to do that.


Oh joy!
Oh rapture!


Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like to cook... It's that I don't like to cook for my father because he sucks at life. He doesn't eat fish, he doesn't like grilled chicken, he doesn't like this, that or the other. It's annoying as all holy crap. I told him already that he's going to be eating a lot more healthy when I start doing the cooking, lots more veggies, more whole wheat pastas, less pastas all around, less fried foods, less hamburgers, less steak and MORE salads. You get the picture... Lots more healthy, lots less red meat. I also told him that we'll be getting the "Healthy Heart Smart Start" butter, you know, that spreadable stuff that they give people who aren't supposed to eat the fats in regular butter?


Needless to say, he wasn't too thrilled at the prospect of eating veggies and/or salads with every meal. But, come on! He's already had a heart attack. I'm trying to keep him out of the ground for a few more years. He doesn't see it that way, naturally. He thinks I'm trying to kill him faster. Maybe he'll choke on a piece of broccoli. It's better than choking on a piece of steak. Ew. I do not enjoy steak. I just don't like it. So, he'll be eating it a lot less often. I've also told him we'll be eating more turkey instead of cow. This doesn't thrill him, either.


My mother doesn't care. She loves turkey and veggies and whole wheat pasta. I told dad that he's out numbered so his opinion doesn't matter. He glared at me and went back to watching whatever lame show he was watching. Oh well, he'll survive!


Another change - I'm joining a gym. I've decided that it's time I start getting myself in shape. I feel icky. And, I just don't feel pretty any more. I used to love the way I look - so what, I'm not a size six. If you're not okay with that, keep your freaking' mouth shut. It's none of your damned business, anyway. But, I'm just not happy with me any more. Starting Tuesday, that's going to change. :)


I'm also getting my hair cut. I've had the same hair cut since I was in high school. After my traumatic experience of chopping my hair off in the eighth grade, I think I've been a wee bit scissor shy. But, I'm almost twenty-one years old and I could still pass for a high school freshman. Not cool. That is also changing on Tuesday. I'm excited - I think. We'll see what comes from it, won't we?


Maybe things will work out amazingly! Here's to hoping so!

I am not illiterate.

So, I haven't been able to get online on my laptop at home for like two months. As you can imagine, this has been killing me. I mean, it cuts into my facebook stalking time and my sleep depravity obsession that I have. So, instead of staying up late to blog, stalk, watch movies and generally rot my brain, I've been having to sleep! Sleep! At night! It's unheard of! Especially at my age, right? But, now, I've finally got it up and running. To get to the point: I am not illiterate. 

When I finally got around to calling the people at Embarq DSL, they ran me through this rigamarole to find where the real problem was emanating from. He told me to push this button, push that button, unplug this, replug that, disconnect this, connect that and so on and so forth. I was on the phone with Brandon - my personal DSL tech for the night - for almost an hour. Eventually, he came up with the idea that it was my router that wasn't working correctly. After a series of questions, he came to the conclusion that router was definitely the problem. It was just "too old to work with the new DSL box" that had come in the mail a few days previous. So, it was bye-bye D-Link, helloooooooo Linksys. Below is a photo of my new router. :) :) 

Yet, this is not the only thing. I'm most proud of myself because I set it up by my little selfie!!!! I fail at anything technology related unless someone has previously shown me how to do it or there's a little booklet with explicit instruction on how not to fail at putting it together. This new router came with an instructional CD but the directions on it were minimal. This is pretty much setting me up to fail. 

Anyways, I put the CD in, double clicked and looked easy from the very beginning. I thought it was going to be supper simple because all of the information was all laid out and ready to go! Yes! 

It lied.

I followed each step an finally got to the "click finish to finish" button! Success! It gave me all the green little checks that indicated I had done everything correctly and my airport was showing the name of my network, phoenix, like it was ready to be connected! I thought I was finished! I was going to be able to get online and facebook stalk people! 

I thought wrong. 

As soon as I unhooked the blue cable from my MAC the airport signal vanished. 

PANIC! 

I couldn't figure out what I did wrong! Still panicking, I put the blue cord back in and still nothing! I re-clicked on the installation CD and started all over. Still nothing. Then, I figured it out. I had to undo the password and re-establish the new network with my MAC. 

SUCCESS!

I fixed EVERYTHING! I am so very proud of myself. You totally can't even imagine. 

The moral of the story, I am not computer illiterate!!!!! :) :) :) :)