Friday, March 27, 2009

Of personalities and ice cream...

While I was sitting at work this morning, trying to ignore the huge pile of crap that permanently haunts my desk, one of our nurses came in almost in tears. Naturally being the caring and sweet (read curious and nosey) person that I am, I offered her a chair and some York Peppermint Patties - because I keep a secret stash tapped up under my desk and I know she loves them. She took the chair and a handful of Y.P.Ps. Very nice.

After taking a few minutes to calm down and eat the Y.P.Ps, she had regained enough composure to tell us what happened - because my office is 'Gossip Central.' So, here's the scoop: She woke up five minutes late today, which meant that she woke her two girls up five minutes late, she got their breakfasts five minutes late and was generally just running five minutes late. In her rush to get everything done on time, she set her husband's alarm for 7.45 instead of 7.35. An honest mistake, we can all agree. Her husband, who is a construction worker for a local company and a huge jackass, decided that he was going to go to work today. I say "decided" because he usually doesn't go. So, at 7.20 she left for work miraculously on time, leaving her to girls in the care of their grandfather, until her husband got up and was able to get their teeth brushed and shoes on.

She got on the highway and started her 45-60 minute trek here, depending on traffic. She got about 25 minutes from home when she got a call from her husband, yelling into the phone that she had set his alarm ten minutes late and he was going to be late for work and didn't have time to get Victoria - the oldest - onto the bus and Elizabeth - the youngest - to school without being late. He called her every single curse word imaginable so she hung up on him. When he called back, he told her to, "Get her fat, lazy ass home and take HER daughter to school because she FUCKING missed the bus."

This part confused me so I paused her and asked what he meant by "her" daughter. Apparently, she was married before, and in that relationship, she had Victoria. But, then her husband went away to war and when he came back, he became violent and he drank all the time. She divorced him and a few years later married Ricky - her current husband. Together, she and Ricky had Elizabeth. Now that I was unconfused, she started her story again.

After calmly explaining to her husband that she was - by now - more than half way to work, she couldn't turn around to take Victoria to school. It would make her more than a half-hour late to work and she would get an 'occurrence*.' He told her that if she didn't take Victoria to school, she'd be staying home by herself all day long. Naturally, she said she'd be home to get her and turned around, deciding that arguing with him would be a lost cause. He left for work early, once again leaving the girls in the care of their grandfather.

Now, you may be wondering why the grandfather just couldn't take them... I wondered this, too. Apparently, Erica - our nurse - was having car problems and her car was in the shop so she borrowed her father's car. Now, you're wondering why the girls just couldn't stay home with him... That's because at 10.00, his ride would be coming to pick him up so he could go to work, too. With everything once again cleared up, she re-started her story.

On her way back to her house, she called work to tell them a very short version of what had happened and to tell them that she'd be late. Once arriving home, she picked up her children and dropped them off at their respective schools and then came to work. She was supposed to be here at 8.00 and didn't get her until 9.30. She was a wreck all day and I felt bad for her...

This is why I don't have a relationship. Too much drama. All relationships just have too much drama in them to be healthy. I don't care if it's a girl/boy relationship, girl/girl relationship or boy/boy relationship, they're all freakin' crazy.

One of my really close friends is in an on-again, off-again relationship with a guy who is her complete opposite. They fight all the time, they have different tastes in movies, politics and foods. Yet, they keep getting back together because they're In Love with each other. I just don't understand it. How can you be with someone who is that different from you?

One of my other really close friends is in a "closed relationship" for the first time. He's very happy with his boyfriend, but isn't happy with they way things between them get handled. For example, B doesn't like fish or any other kind of seafood and his boyfriend, J tries to make him eat it. One time, when I was at dinner with the two of them, J pretty much shoved a fork full of almost raw fish into B's mouth, repeating, "Just try it, you'll like it," over and over again. (This pissed me off to no end.) Unable to believe that B didn't like the food, he tried again. This time, B spoke up and was pretty much like, "If you try that again, I'm leaving your ass here." J had ridden with us. After a few minutes of silence between the two of them, J realized that B was serious and apologized for his behavior. Yet, he was a complete dick for the rest of the evening. Later, during B's interrogation of me for my thoughts on J, we discussed J and his whole attitude for the entire evening. Forty-five minutes into my drilling, B was convinced that he was going to break up with J because he was seeing things better - without the heart-shapped, rose-tinted glasses. I felt horrible, because I know that B likes J very much. So, after another hour of talking - it was 4.30 in the morning, it was decided that he'd stick it out and see how things go... It was, after all, a very new relationship(less than a month). Three weeks later, they're still together and still having legendary fights, which I get to hear the juicy details of. Why are they still together, you ask? Because, they're In Love.

Now, we come to my friends Drew and Whyatt. Both boys and both so completely in love with the other that nothing is cause for a fight big enough to even raise voices. This, I don't understand in the slightest. Drew is my height, 5'8'', very feminine, very slender, super slight and very, very flaming. Whyatt is 6'3'', very masculine, buff, ripped, sexy as hell and possibly the most manly gay man I have ever met. You wouldn't know to look at them that they're together, but when they're together, it's precious. Whyatt would do anything, and I mean anything, for Drew. And, although Drew is a little high-strung and temperamental, he would do anything Whyatt asked. They fit together better than most puzzle pieces. Drew can calm Whyatt down, even when Whyatt has "passed the point of no return," and Whyatt keeps Drew at a pretty much constant mellow. They're perfect for each other. I just don't get it! The only answer that even remotely fits the question, is that they're In Love.

Talking with Carole, after Erica left, she told me about her life with her first husband, second husband and now Chuck, who she's been living with for more than 30 years...

I've decided that I'm never, ever, never, getting married. You know why? That perfect person for me doesn't exist. Why? Because, I like to be by myself too much to have a "serious" relationship. I don't want to have to ask someone else's permission to do this or that. I want to do too much to settle down. I'm too independent for someone to depend on me. Maybe this is just a now thing, maybe it'll change with I meet the "right person."

Maybe, when pigs fly.

Even the, some how, I don't think so.

This all brings me to my concept of personalities and Ice Cream. A concept that has been thoroughly discussed with Steph and we both agree that it makes perfect sense. The concept is as follows:

You can not be in a relationship
with someone whose
Ice Cream Flavor
is not - at the very least-
similar to yours.

For example, my ICF (read personality) is:

Dark chocolate ice cream with a raspberry swirl,
topped with whipped cream, cherries, almonds,
rainbow sprinkles and a strawberry.

Therefore, I can not have any kind of relationship with someone whose flavor isn't similar. Stephanie has a similar issue... Her flavor is as intricate as mine. We don't find people who mirror us very often.

FOR EXAMPLE: Non-fat, single-churned, sugar-free vanilla is NOT an acceptable pairing (read Scott).

The ICF doesn't have anything to do with what kind of ice cream you like, but it has everything to do with the type of person that you are. My ice cream is so obscure because my personality is eclectic and elaborate. I rarely do the same thing twice, I try to not regret anything, I try not to judge - although, it sometimes happens, I'm very open minded and I'll try just about anything twice. I'm pessimistic, I laugh loudly, I try to be optimistic, I would do anything for my friends, once I'm your friend, I never stop being your friend - we just might not be as close as we once were, but I don't abandon people. I'm materialistic for somethings, but not for others. I love presents, to give them almost more than to receive them. I try not to repeat myself, unless the repeat is necessary or exceedingly fun. And, I'm deathly afraid of being trapped in an elevator while it plummets to the bottom of the shaft.

(I bet there are some things there that you didn't know about me - especially the elevator thing. This is recent, as in yesterday. I was riding the elevator up to my office and the doors got stuck. They wouldn't open. I was stuck in the elevator for twenty minutes. Then, as I was trying to leave, the elevator wouldn't move and then it went super fast and I got stuck again. The doors wouldn't open and we were stuck between floors. I was stuck there for a good five minutes.. Seriously, it was just awful and I am now traumatised.)

The moral of the story? Love is crazy, psycho, nuts and completely irrational. Ice Cream is life. And, elevators are traumatising.

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